Just Friends

Photo: Nicole & I with the group at Nicky Blaine’s for Valentine’s Day

Nicole and I have been hanging out a lot more, which has been awesome. Considering it has been a real blessing to talk to another girl about… well… just girl stuff! Plus having great girlfriends like Nicole have made me forget about not really having anyone special over the V-day holiday. I’m happy to know I’m not alone in the way I feel about guys right now, it has helped a lot to hear your thoughts. I’m thankful for everyone’s encouragement to keep going.

Looking on the past holiday weekend… I’m a little confused on what happened. When Mr. Mansion came to hang out at my apartment earlier on Saturday, it went well. We just sat around, ate lunch and talked. Later on that night, when we were out at Nicky Blaine’s he seemed a little distant but I figured it was because his brother was there in the group. However ever since Saturday I have not heard nor talked with Mr. Mansion. So I’m pretty sure that whatever feeling made him grab my hand is long gone. Oh well it was a nice thought but really short lived.

Things with Mr. Pepperdine and I have been up and down over the past couple months but on Monday we talked on skype for the first time together. It has been neat how much I’ve been using skype to communicate with different people. It is like a whole new world to keeping up with people. We hadn’t seen each other in over 6 months, so mainly we just caught up on what has been going on in our lives. It was awesome to be able to talk with him face to face (kind of). Still, I find it interesting after all this time one smile from him makes my heart melt. I don’t know what it is but I know where I stand and I know what roads not to go down again. Which leaves us to where we are now… just being friends.

As far as Mr. Seattle goes, we talked last night on skype for a little. But right off the bat I could tell he was a little a frustrated with just life in general. So the conversation wasn’t the best, but hopefully whatever he is going through it works itself out. It is a bummer we live so far apart, I think it is one of the biggest reasons things have just kind of crumbed. But I’ve been told if he wants to be with you he will move mountains to do so. I can’t worry about it now, besides I think it might not be the best time to start anything anyway.

These past couple months God has taught me a lot about what He wants for me in a relationship. I’ve learned not to settle for anything less and even though it would be nice to have a relationship to work out right now. I understand it probably isn’t His timing for it… I just have to wait, be patient and content until He shows me otherwise. I’m glad God has given me such a heart for His will and a passion for the friendships He has blessed me with. It is hard sometimes to understand the reasons why God lets things happen the way they do but in the end He will bless us for staying on His path.

“My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped.” -Psalm 17:5

Relationship Vibes

Relationship vibes… have you every felt them? Have you ever been confused by them? For years guys have been stating girls were the only ones who gave off confusing vibes but the more and more I interact with different guys I’ve realized this is not true by any means. Guys give off just as many confusing relationship vibes as girls do. I actually can’t believe guys can say that they are easy to understand. Because in reality I can not for the life of me figure out what you men want?!?! One minute you are calling me dear, holding my hand, saying I’m amazing… than the next minute you make up excuses, act like you never liked me and you think it is okay to pick up where you left me hanging. Just like the movie “He is just not that into you”…seriously with guys playing these games; how are woman suppose to actually find someone that would like to have a “real relationship”. I’m not trying to be disrespectful towards guys that read this but guys can be such jerks sometimes.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, even though I’m not in a “relationship”, I can honestly say I’m happy about it. Of course I would love to have someone for Vday but for once I don’t have to worry about buying anyone a card, I don’t have to make googly eyes with anyone across a table and I don’t have to spend countless hours getting ready for the big date. Granted I’m not closing myself off from the world but I don’t have time to play games with guys either. If I’m interested in you, you will know plain and simple. If I feel you are not into me… I move on. There is no reason to whine and gravel over a guy that won’t give you the time of day. If you are experiencing such a guy in your life he is not worth your time, don’t mess with him. I promise you can do better! Be content being just you… it is much more rewarding to do so.

Sorry for that little spat… I really don’t know what that was about. But I thought I would give you an update what is happening with the random guys in my life right now…

I found out Mr. Mansion has been sick the past couple days and I felt really bad for him. So tonight I thought I would bring him a get well bag. Filled with soup, tea, a sandwich from Jimmy John’s, crackers and juice. However, before I brought it down to him I was getting weird vibes through text. It was like he wanted me to come but didn’t. Grr… confusing! Maybe I should stop caring so much but my intentions were good. So I ended up bringing over the get well stuff to his house, which in turn he ended up being very thankful for.  I wonder if it was because he was sick.. but I’m a little confused about the vibes he was giving me this pass weekend compared to the new ones I got from him tonight. They were really different and see this is what I’m talking about. What am I suppose to do with that? I guess we will see how Thursday goes if he ends up coming.

Now on the other hand Mr. Seattle finally got skype working on his new computer. This was unexpected but tonight we talked on skype for over an hour! What, where did that come from ?!?! See I think what catches me off guard the most is that it was just like the first time we talked on skype down in Florida. Sigh, I really like Mr. Seattle… but I don’t want to play games. I know he has been nothing but respectful and just trying to maintain being a friend in my life right now; however it just makes things complicated. Because I can’t see him as “just” a friend. It will be interesting to see if we continue to skype more and if anything comes from that. Deep down if I’m being honest with myself, I still want something to.

Well that is all I have for now… I better get some sleep but I will write soon and let you know how tomorrow goes.

Groundbreaking

What a week this has been!!!! I feel like in the in just the couple days God has placed some amazing job opportunities and people in my life. Granted because I have been so incredibly busy moving forward with my career, I haven’t had a chance to sit down and blog about it. I thought I would just take a few seconds to give an update of how things were going.

The Job Search:
I have two full-time job opportunities that are so much more than I could ever ask for. Ones I did not look for and never dreamed of finding. I know without a doubt that this is God working in my life and wherever He leads me it will be for His glory and not mine. I will be sharing more information about them very soon, but I have to work about the details first. Thank you for being so patient and understanding while I figure this out. It is a really exciting time for me and I’m looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

Dating:
I found out from one of my girlfriends that Mr. Fitness has a baby?!?! And he is trying to move back in with this baby’s mama?!?!? What the heck ?!?! How did he think he could get away with hiding that, seriously. So from that stand point of not being upfront and honest about something that BIG in your life… I’m not about to deal with that. Mr. Fitness is O.U.T. of the picture for good.

Things with Mr. Pepperdine have been going well, we have gone back to just being friends again. He has been a great support through all of the crazy stuff going on in my life right now. I’ve really appreciated his friendship and glad we are communicating again.

After a week or so of being really quite… Mr. Seattle called me two days ago and updated me what was going on in his life. I also found last weekend he was less than a two hour drive away from me and didn’t bother to tell me. My heart sank when I found that out but in reality it wouldn’t of worked out going to see him anyways. Which granted he was here on business but I would of appreciated a call or something saying he was that close. Non the less, I think he is just a little busy at the moment and wrapped up in making his way in the world. I know what he is going through because I’m in the same place right now. So for now I will just sit tight and maybe later something will bloom out of it. But if not at least I know I didn’t invest to much time waiting on him.

In a nut shell things have been off the charts… but I’m really blessed and willing to go where God wants to lead me in my job and relationships. Please keep me in your prayers, for as I’m pretty sure I will be making the one of the biggest decision I have ever made in my life over the next few weeks. This is groundbreaking… and could be the moment that changes my life forever.

Pitter-Pat

Here is the well needed update of what has been going on the past couple days…

The Job Search:
There is an angel sitting on my shoulder… whisking away my fear of the unknown. I have never felt so comforted about things and my faith is continuing to stand strong. With everything going on, I should feel like my world is spinning out of control. The job search is still going… I’ve been on the hunt for a while but opportunities are starting to present themselves and I know it will just be a matter of time before things work out. There is also the possibility of starting a freelance company and maybe joining forces with another designer?!?! Which be really exciting… could this be where God is leading me? Well, I will keep you informed what happens once I hear more.

New MacBook Pro:
I feel bad because I haven’t had the time to write lately. Being unemployed has kept me busy looking for a new job. My living room has become my new office. I’ve been struggling to keep up with everything because my mac hasn’t been running really well and it takes forever to do anything on it. But today, God answered one of my prayers… lately I have been having to turn down freelance opportunities because of my computer was over 6 years old and extremely slow. However, it just goes to show God knows your needs and always provides. My grandparents called me and told me they wanted to buy me a new computer! Now, hold the phone… who does that?!?! I couldn’t believe they wanted to do that for me, lets just say when grandma told me I had tears of joy streaming down my face. It is just what I needed, when I needed it. I just blow away right now of God’s amazing timing of things. I’m truly blessed by everything they have done for me and for God’s amazing provisions.

Dating:
So this past Friday, a married couple I’m friends with tried hooking me up with one of there friends. They ended having me over to there house for dinner and a movie for more or less a double date. Mr. Double Dater was nice and the evening was really fun. We had an amazing meal and then sat around playing apples to apples… after which we all watched a movie together. Great night but can I be honest? It all felt more like we were all great friends hanging out and there wasn’t really any sparks flying at all. So even though it was a great night and fun, I don’t think it will be going anywhere.

Mr. Seattle started texting me again… interesting. Just when I said the book was probably closed, it opens once again. His texts are still far and few between but I was excited to hear from him. I know on my end, I still feel really attracted to him… so we will see. I’m more or less just hoping.

Besides that Mr. Pepperdine an old college crush has been trying to be more involved in my life. He keeps sending me random text, just seeing how I’ve been doing. But I don’t know what he really wants so I haven’t paid much attention to them and that ship has mostly sailed now. After what he pulled back in August I pretty sure it would take a lot for me to feel comfortable putting my heart out again for him. I’m just not ready to go down that road anytime soon.

Lastly, may I shed some light a big issue? Have you ever been taken advantage of or been walked all over by someone you liked? Mr. BRipple is such a guy and is one of those who just doesn’t get it. Over this past summer we kind of liked each other and he seemed like a cool guy to hang out with but ended up being a real jerk. Well a couple days ago he texted me out of the blue and he had the nerve to ask if I wanted to come over and snuggle. Okay for one he hasn’t talked with me in months and second where does he get the gull to think that would be okay to do? Who does he think I am?!?! Needless to say, I wrote him back and told him very nicely that the only reason he should contact me is to be a friend and nothing more right now. I don’t need a meaningless relationship (who only calls once in a while) and I knew that was exactly what he was looking for. The reason I’m mentioning this is because I wanted to remind you guys that we have feelings and your really messing with them when you pull stuff like this. Seriously, if you don’t want to be considered a jerk be mindful in trying to make healthy relationships. Otherwise in the end you will just end up alone, no girl likes a guy who fools around. And ladies you need to stick up for yourself with guys like that. Because if you don’t they will always treat you without respect and continue this little game they are playing. Sticking up for myself has helped me avoid a lot of bad situations. Excuse me for venting but I felt like it needed to be said.

New Friends:
Since I’ve had more time off, I’ve been able to hang out with friends and be able to make some new ones at networking events. It has been really interesting to see those new friendships take off. The kind of friends you feel like you have known forever. Last Friday after the blind double date I met up with some of these new found friends at Moon Dogs. It was awesome to be able to hang out and just have fun being goof-balls with each other. I’m really thankful that God has stuck some amazing people in my life. I can’t believe how much networking changes how many people you know in a matter of days. Seriously I feel like in the past two weeks I’ve met over 50 new people… it is crazy!!!

Well I think it is time for bed, however I can’t tell you how much I have appreciated all your encouraging words and prayers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, it means the world to me.

Job Search & Relationships

Click… click…click… type… send. The past 10 days this is all I feel like I’ve been doing. The job search has been absolutely crazy! I’ve had multiple leads but the exciting thing is that I’m getting interviews. Since being laid off I’ve had three which in this economy is nothing to overlook. However with the clock ticking away I feel like I get more nervous with each day that passes. I know it is just a matter of time before things will pan out, but feeling a little lost on where to go next has left an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I’m not sure if any of those interviews will lead into a future career but I’m know God will give me a peace about the right job when it comes. All I can do is trust Him and live blindly.

Lately on the relationship home front, because of the job situation I haven’t felt like I have had to much time to pursue anyone. However it seems the moment I stop looking, that is when guys come out of the woodworks. Even past relationships have started to resurface again which in most cases are annoying. They just remind me of being hurt and turn into more of a poking game then something meaningful. Everything else so far has been pretty casual up until this point and there has been a date here or there. Some of my friends are trying to set me up, but there hasn’t been anyone I’m head over heels for. Thus the reason I haven’t written about them. I have been pretty content being single so I’m not really sure if I want to stir the pot up. Plus this whole job situation and the possibility of moving has made me hesitate starting anything with anyone.

Things between Mr. Seattle and I have calmed down a lot and I haven’t heard from him as much anymore. It really stinks that I finally found someone I was really interested in and excited about getting to know. But now has seems faded because of the distance. I guess for now Mr. Seattle is more a less a closed book, until he decides to open it again. I don’t tend to pursue guys, when it starts to become one sided.

Silver Lining

(Sigh) Isn’t it funny how life plays out? You never know what new twist and turns it will take. Each day is day of it’s own, with a brand new beginnings. Knowing this along makes waking up easier and pushing forward seem effortless. Jobless or not… the way you experience it, is up to you. We can make it into anything we want, positive or negative. The only thing that would hold us back is ourselves. The world can overwhelm us with worry but is that really our purpose… to worry? What is there to worry about when life is so short to live anyway. Who said we get to see tomorrow? For myself I know if I don’t take chances, go for the gusto and live life to the fullest for Him everyday… I will regret it. It doesn’t matter what struggles I go through, it would be all in vain if it wasn’t for Him. He has blessed my life with so much in so many ways, this is the least I can do.

Tonight, after babysitting Mr. Seattle called me. Even though we only talked for a little, I could hear my heart beating. I don’t know what it is that makes me so attracted to him, maybe it is the innocence of everything. But more or less I think it is because he inspires me. I get excited to share my experiences with him and best of all I still have the opportunity to build a friendship. Even though we are far apart now and it might not be the best timing for anything. It is a beginning to something and it although there is a chance it could not go anywhere; I have this gut feeling it would be worth waiting around to find out. But until then I won’t know.

I may not be able to see the silver lining in my life just yet. With jobs, relationships or my future for that matter. However I know it will only get better, I just have to continue to stay focused and be positive. Everything has a time and place, even if it hasn’t turn out the way I thought it would. Just remember we have so much to live for, even if it means facing our struggles. When one door close, another will open.

“Clouds may come, but clouds must go, and they all have a silver lining. For behind each cloud you know, the sun, or moon, is shining.” -Unknown

Eloquent

Last night after not really hearing from Mr. Seattle the past couple days, I was getting a little frustrated. I more of less just wanted him to explain what was happening and not leave me hanging. Tossing and turning in bed I finally just got up and wrote him. Below is what I wrote first and then what he wrote back. I’m pretty sure this is the most eloquent response I have ever gotten back from a guy. I thought I would share it with you.

Hey Mr. Seattle,
I’m laying here in bed and I can’t seem to fall asleep. I guess I’m just wondering if everything is okay. You have seemed a little distant and I’m not really sure why. If I said anything or it is something I did just let me know. I rather you be honest with me. And if it is because you’re not ready to come out here that is fine, there is no pressure there. I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. Hope you have a good night.
-Circle City Girl

—

Dear Circle City Girl,
Please do not worry yourself… there is nothing wrong. I am sorry if I have appeared distant lately, the truth is that I have been keeping myself very busy and have done a poor job at keeping in touch with you. I do not feel pressure to come and visit you (I promise) and I sincerely appreciate that you have been careful to not apply such pressure. The truth is that I would love to see you. However, I am still striving to maintain my role in your life as a friend for this is all I have to offer at the moment. I genuinely mean this with all sincerity when I say that I deeply cherish our friendship and your heart and I am so thankful for you and wish to grow in this. We have spoken of this before and I only intend to reassure you Circle City Girl of how greatly I value you. I know myself and right now I just have to keep things simple while I decipher the past to enable my future. I mean no confusion. We can talk soon… and I will answer any questions that you may have. Please rest for now… Goodnight.
-Mr. Seattle

As I felt a feeling of relief come over me, I finally could put my mind at ease. I was so pleased Mr. Seattle took the time to write me back and I appreciated the sincerity of his letter. I cherish his friendship dearly and I know he would be the kind of guy worth waiting on. It just goes to show, that there are still men out there that respect woman. Holding good moral values, while guarding your heart at the same time. I feel truly blessed and thankful to have been able to experience such a man.

A Little Distant?

The last couple days I’ve had the feeling I’m being a bother to Mr. Seattle. I haven’t quite figured out what happened or what has changed. However our conversations just have seemed a little more distant than usual and they are becoming shorter. I can’t put my finger on it, but I know something isn’t right.

Below are some reasons I think why he might be a little distant…

1. Maybe he is busy. (hoping that is the case, but not likely)
2. Maybe he isn’t interested anymore.
3. Maybe an old flame came back into his life.
4. Maybe he feels like it is going too fast.
5. Maybe he thinks we live too far apart to start a relationship.

I don’t want to jump the gun just yet but, I think I will let things lay low for now. I really like Mr. Seattle and I was hoping that things wouldn’t come to this. The one good thing about our friendship is that he hasn’t over promised me anything. So even though I would hate the thought of nothing coming out of this, at least I’ve guarded my heart and I’m not in over my head. Who knows what could happen, maybe I could be totally wrong about everything. But usually whenever I get this gut feeling, it means something is up. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

I Cherish You

As of today it has been officially one month since Mr. Seattle and I started talking! I have to laugh at myself, because I’m not even in a “relationship” with the guy yet. However, I’m already put an anniversary on the day we started a friendship, oh well… I like it (p.s. I didn’t share that information with him, it just me being a helpless romantic). In all honesty I’m so happy I wrote him those five words to him on facebook… “Just thought I’d say hey.” Even though we are miles apart, this whole experience has been way beyond what I ever anticipated or expected. Who would have ever thought doing something like that would turn into such a beautiful friendship? Our friendship has truly been a huge blessing to me.

For the longest time I’ve been disappointed by guys in general, finding they only want something when it is convenient for them. But I find Mr. Seattle to be different, he genuinely seems interested in me for who I am and not what I look like. Which is an awesome feeling to have for once! There are so many great qualities and characteristics Mr. Seattle has that I’ve noticed I really enjoyed. It has been a pleasure hearing him share his heart, thoughts and experiences. I never thought I would be able to have this much fun getting to know someone! It just makes me realize how bad I was treated in some of my past relationships. Probably one of the biggest reasons I’ve grown to cherish Mr. Seattle so much this past month. I finally get what it feels like to have a “real” relationship. Whatever comes of all this… call me old fashioned but, I know if I can grow old with someone that loves the Lord, cares for me unconditionally, and wants to share a life together being best friends… I would be the happiest woman alive. Even though it has only been one month, at least I know the feelings I’ve grown to have for Mr. Seattle are real.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

23 Days

The last 23 days things between Mr. Seattle and I have been awesome! He is so sweet and caring towards me, which I’ve really appreciated. Wanting to do something special for him before I left for Florida… I sent him a Christmas package with cookies, puppy chow and hot chocolate mix. He still won’t stop raving about the cookies which makes me really happy I sent them. I just wanted to send him something fun for Christmas. I thought Christmas snacks would be a good choice, since it was the first thing I’ve ever sent him. Plus I didn’t want to seem too serious and I felt this would make it more casual.

Besides that things have been going really well and two night ago he did asked me one of the cutest things I’ve ever been asked by a guy. Even though we are hundreds of miles apart he was thoughtful enough to ask if I wanted to watch The Holiday with him… loving the movie of course I said yes! So we cued the movie up to the same place and watched it together in a sense. It might sound a little corny but it was actually a lot of fun. While watching the movie we made comments back and forth over gchat. I mean what guy does that? I thought that was so sweet he wanted to actually sit down and do something like that with me.

Needless to say, I’ve been a little smitten with Mr. Seattle and I have really enjoyed the time we have spent getting to know each other. It has been such a nice change of pace for once. I think the next thing on my list to do is to get a web camera. Mr. Seattle has mentioned a couple times that he has done Skype before and how great it is to see the person while you’re talking. And now that gmail has a video chat, it seems like more people are using it. I think tonight I might venture out to the stores to see if I can find one. Having a web camera being so far apart, might make getting to know each other a lot easier. I would love to be able to see him smile, hear him laugh and get to know his expressions on a face to face basis. We both agreed I had to get one so we could try it.

I’m so content right now and I wouldn’t want it any other way at the moment. I’m blessed beyond measure and happy that I’ve been able to share the past 23 days with someone like Mr. Seattle. No matter what this whole experience has been refreshing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.