You Do Something To Me…

Last night as I watch Mr. Facebook’s face light up, you could tell he was in his glory. We went to a Incubus concert downtown in Circle City. It was suppose to rain but we lucked out and It ended up turning out to be a great night. I love watching him get all excited about something he enjoys. It had been a long week for the both of us and it was a nice to take a break and do something fun together.

It has been neat to see our relationship blossom over the summer. Dating him was probably the best decision I have made in a while, I’ve been extremely happy and content with how things are going lately. Even though we both have had stressful situations going on these past two weeks with work, it has been really helpful to have someone to sit and talk things through with. That is what a relationship is suppose to be like, right? This is a great change compared to some other guys I dated.

As I look at the framed photo of us sitting on my coffee table I realize how much I’m starting to care for Mr. Facebook. All this time I’ve been trying to hold back and slow down the process of going to fast. But in reality I’ve been building up some strong feelings for him. I think taking our time has made me like him even more and I have so much respect for not rushing me into anything. I know that I would miss him terribly if something were ever to happen between us. He already has pieces of my heart.

I Miss You – Incubus

“To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can’t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said “I miss you”?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I’m wasting away.
I know I’ll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.”

Summer Sizzles

Summer is here and I felt like it was time for some short recaps on things you missed! I’m not even going to try to explain where I have been the past month or so. Life was a little overwhelming and I have had lots going on with parents coming to visit… work… dating… friends… the list goes on and on. I just didn’t seemed to have the time to sit down and write.

Mr. Facebook Update
Anyway, Mr. Facebook and I have been doing well. We have been enjoying each others company and have been just going with the flow. From playing football in the park, baseball games, concerts, hanging out with friends, festivals and random movie nights… we have been keeping it rather low key. However, He has officially meet my parents! What?!? Hold up how did I jump from, “we are keeping it rather low key” to “oh and by the way, he meet my parents” haha? Well…I figure since they really never make their way up here he might not have the opportunity to meet them for awhile if he didn’t meet them then. I think I was more nervous then he was because my parents are a pretty good judge of character, I know their opinions really matter to me. Overall meeting my parents ended up being a really good thing. So we will see what happens when I meet his parents sometime. hum…

I think I’m really starting to grow fond of Mr. Facebook and find myself building up real feelings for him. It has been a little tough because I’m scared of being hurt again so I trying very hard to guard my heart. But I can’t complain, I’m really happy where things are right now and I am excited to see where they lead.

Should I Sell My Oil Paintings?
Lately, I have gotten back into my oil paints and I’m finding I miss painting with them a ton. In the last couple weeks I have painted two different paintings, which I’m even more fond of because my skill set has actually started to improve. Painting has now become this moment in time where I can escape to another place for a little while and really get my mind of things. So here is what I’m thinking, maybe I will start a website for my oil paintings and try to sell them online. What do you think? It would be a great way to make a little extra money and plus it would give me a purpose for painting. I have seriously run out of wall space!

20 Mile Bike Ride
You might find this crazy but just recently I went on this 20 mile random bike ride to BRipple. Totally out of the blue but my bike is fixed now, thanks to my dad! I’m so grateful he fixed it when he was up here. Now I can ride whenever I want! However, I wouldn’t recommend riding a bike 20 miles without pads on your biking shorts. I was so sore afterward.

Fall Marathon Training
I believe training starts soon for the fall marathon I’m planning to do in November. I’ve been back and forth about wanting to do it, but I really think I should. Plus because of my foot I didn’t run a half in the spring and I kind of feel blah now because I missed out on it. So wish me luck, here goes to another summer of running!

My Wish List
I don’t know if you have seen Maid of Honor or not but I’m obsessed with this really unique gold necklace Michelle Monaghan (playing the character, Hannah) wore in the movie. I absolutely love it and today I found out the designer was Zoë Chicco !!! I’m so happy I found it because it was driving me crazy looking for it in the stores just hoping to run across it. The mixed circle necklace will be one of those things I keep on my wish list!

Laundry
Seriously, I should be doing some of that right now. blah. But I think I will go to bed instead. So with that, I will say goodnight… it is way past my bedtime.

Silver Lining

(Sigh) Isn’t it funny how life plays out? You never know what new twist and turns it will take. Each day is day of it’s own, with a brand new beginnings. Knowing this along makes waking up easier and pushing forward seem effortless. Jobless or not… the way you experience it, is up to you. We can make it into anything we want, positive or negative. The only thing that would hold us back is ourselves. The world can overwhelm us with worry but is that really our purpose… to worry? What is there to worry about when life is so short to live anyway. Who said we get to see tomorrow? For myself I know if I don’t take chances, go for the gusto and live life to the fullest for Him everyday… I will regret it. It doesn’t matter what struggles I go through, it would be all in vain if it wasn’t for Him. He has blessed my life with so much in so many ways, this is the least I can do.

Tonight, after babysitting Mr. Seattle called me. Even though we only talked for a little, I could hear my heart beating. I don’t know what it is that makes me so attracted to him, maybe it is the innocence of everything. But more or less I think it is because he inspires me. I get excited to share my experiences with him and best of all I still have the opportunity to build a friendship. Even though we are far apart now and it might not be the best timing for anything. It is a beginning to something and it although there is a chance it could not go anywhere; I have this gut feeling it would be worth waiting around to find out. But until then I won’t know.

I may not be able to see the silver lining in my life just yet. With jobs, relationships or my future for that matter. However I know it will only get better, I just have to continue to stay focused and be positive. Everything has a time and place, even if it hasn’t turn out the way I thought it would. Just remember we have so much to live for, even if it means facing our struggles. When one door close, another will open.

“Clouds may come, but clouds must go, and they all have a silver lining. For behind each cloud you know, the sun, or moon, is shining.” -Unknown

Out of My Comfort Zone

Have you ever done something and you stop and think, “Man… that was so uncharacteristic of me!” I find myself saying this a lot more lately. I feel like God has taken hold of my heart and stretched in ways I never knew it could stretch. Teaching me to grow in things I never thought in a million years I would ever want to do. Giving you one example, can you believe at one point of time I hated to write? I was one of “those people” who couldn’t stand the thought of sitting down to write a paper. However I have found I’m writing pages upon pages and enjoying every minute of it. Who would have ever thought?

Needless to say, God has challenged me to do things way out of my comfort zone. It comes back to that good old saying, “You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?” I no longer just talk about wanting to do something, I’m finally doing them. Five years ago if you told me I would be single, living on my own in Circle City, writing in a blog, starting a bible study and enjoy running marathons. I would have flat out told you that you’re nuts !?! I was foolish back then, I had my life all planned out. I thought I knew who I was going to marry, where I wanted to live and exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. Goes to show God had much bigger plans then I had for myself. Turning my little “thought to be perfect” world upside down.

Honestly, I didn’t really contemplate that when I asked God a few years back to take me out of my comfort zone, that He would really take me this far. And let me tell you the journey has been a rough one, it hasn’t been easy. But through it all He has given me the greatest gift I could of asked for, a heart for Him and His will. I don’t know where God will lead me on this journey but I’m thankful He has given me this passion for it.

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” – Psalm 16:11

“ You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.” -2 Samuel 22:37

“I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.” – Psalm 119:32

Eloquent

Last night after not really hearing from Mr. Seattle the past couple days, I was getting a little frustrated. I more of less just wanted him to explain what was happening and not leave me hanging. Tossing and turning in bed I finally just got up and wrote him. Below is what I wrote first and then what he wrote back. I’m pretty sure this is the most eloquent response I have ever gotten back from a guy. I thought I would share it with you.

Hey Mr. Seattle,
I’m laying here in bed and I can’t seem to fall asleep. I guess I’m just wondering if everything is okay. You have seemed a little distant and I’m not really sure why. If I said anything or it is something I did just let me know. I rather you be honest with me. And if it is because you’re not ready to come out here that is fine, there is no pressure there. I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. Hope you have a good night.
-Circle City Girl

—

Dear Circle City Girl,
Please do not worry yourself… there is nothing wrong. I am sorry if I have appeared distant lately, the truth is that I have been keeping myself very busy and have done a poor job at keeping in touch with you. I do not feel pressure to come and visit you (I promise) and I sincerely appreciate that you have been careful to not apply such pressure. The truth is that I would love to see you. However, I am still striving to maintain my role in your life as a friend for this is all I have to offer at the moment. I genuinely mean this with all sincerity when I say that I deeply cherish our friendship and your heart and I am so thankful for you and wish to grow in this. We have spoken of this before and I only intend to reassure you Circle City Girl of how greatly I value you. I know myself and right now I just have to keep things simple while I decipher the past to enable my future. I mean no confusion. We can talk soon… and I will answer any questions that you may have. Please rest for now… Goodnight.
-Mr. Seattle

As I felt a feeling of relief come over me, I finally could put my mind at ease. I was so pleased Mr. Seattle took the time to write me back and I appreciated the sincerity of his letter. I cherish his friendship dearly and I know he would be the kind of guy worth waiting on. It just goes to show, that there are still men out there that respect woman. Holding good moral values, while guarding your heart at the same time. I feel truly blessed and thankful to have been able to experience such a man.

Living Blind

As I was reading in Psalms this morning I came upon a word that repeated itself over and over, “trust”. Looking into it a little deeper I found throughout Psalms the word trust is mentioned 52 times in the Bible. According to Webster the definition of trust is to, “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” Trust is one of this biggest foundations in relationships and if you can’t trust someone is the relationship really meaningful to you anyway? God wants us to trust him, not with just anything but everything. I find myself kind of stumped, because I feel like God has been really laying this on my heart.

When I was younger I was very trusting of people, especially the guys I dated. Continually being disappointed, I found myself becoming really guarded. So for years I was, I didn’t trust anything a guy said to me. It hasn’t been until this year that I’ve really started to open back up, which has taken a lot of work to get to this point. I always felt I trusted God throughout my younger years but I don’t think I really understood what trusting Him meant. Even though I prayed and asked for God’s help, I really only trusted Him when it was convenient. Because I solely depended on the dating relationship I was in to carry me through the rough patches, neglecting my long term relationship with God.

Looking at myself now, I could never imagine going back to that mentality of thinking. For once in my life I truly feel like I’m being myself, I’m no longer trying to be something that I’m not. When you’re in a healthy relationship that is what it feels like, you are… well, just you. I have such a burning desire for the Lord now and even through it has been a long journey to get to this point, I have appreciated every stepping stone. With each step, He has not only brought me closer to Him but has taught me things about myself that I never thought I had in me. For so long I have only trusted Him with my eyes half open but what a difference it has made living blind. I challenge you to try it, you just might be surprised where He will lead you.

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” -Isaiah 42:16

“The LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous.” -Psalm 146:8

“Who is blind but my servant, and deaf like the messenger I send? Who is blind like the one committed to me, blind like the servant of the LORD ?” – Isaiah 42:19

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” -Psalm 143:8

I Cherish You

As of today it has been officially one month since Mr. Seattle and I started talking! I have to laugh at myself, because I’m not even in a “relationship” with the guy yet. However, I’m already put an anniversary on the day we started a friendship, oh well… I like it (p.s. I didn’t share that information with him, it just me being a helpless romantic). In all honesty I’m so happy I wrote him those five words to him on facebook… “Just thought I’d say hey.” Even though we are miles apart, this whole experience has been way beyond what I ever anticipated or expected. Who would have ever thought doing something like that would turn into such a beautiful friendship? Our friendship has truly been a huge blessing to me.

For the longest time I’ve been disappointed by guys in general, finding they only want something when it is convenient for them. But I find Mr. Seattle to be different, he genuinely seems interested in me for who I am and not what I look like. Which is an awesome feeling to have for once! There are so many great qualities and characteristics Mr. Seattle has that I’ve noticed I really enjoyed. It has been a pleasure hearing him share his heart, thoughts and experiences. I never thought I would be able to have this much fun getting to know someone! It just makes me realize how bad I was treated in some of my past relationships. Probably one of the biggest reasons I’ve grown to cherish Mr. Seattle so much this past month. I finally get what it feels like to have a “real” relationship. Whatever comes of all this… call me old fashioned but, I know if I can grow old with someone that loves the Lord, cares for me unconditionally, and wants to share a life together being best friends… I would be the happiest woman alive. Even though it has only been one month, at least I know the feelings I’ve grown to have for Mr. Seattle are real.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

We are Blessed

After a couple hours of waiting my mom just called and said they just finished up with my grandfather’s heart surgery. The doctors ran a test on the growth that they removed and found out it was a benign tumor (which is non-cancerous).The tumor was located on the side of my grandfather’s heart and pieces of it were slowly breaking off. The doctors explained to my mom when a piece of the tumor breaks off, it causes you to have a stroke. Most likely the reason why he had his first stroke a few months ago. The great news is that they got it all removed just as another piece was about to break off! My mom said everyone should be able to see him in just a half an hour. So I just wanted to give everyone the update and thank you for your prayers. We are very blessed they caught the tumor when they did.

Please Pray

Could you please pray for my grandfather, he is going into heart surgery this morning. To my understanding there is a growth hanging off his heart and he is having the surgery to remove it. The scary part of this whole thing is that it is the doctors have never done this kind of surgery before. They said they have to remove it because it could be cancerous. For my mom’s sake I hope things will go well, she missed him but a couple minutes at the hospital to say goodbye. I know it would be hard on her if something were to happen. So, if you could just take a moment and pray for him I know my family would greatly appreciate it. Sometimes we don’t know why things happen the way they do but that is when we need to trust God with our lives the most. I wish I was able to be with my family right now but I know everything is in the Lord’s hands. All we have to do is wait.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” -Proverbs 3:5