Before Dawn

This morning I was up bright and early to take my friend Loretta to the airport. I don’t know what it is about airports, but I love going to them! I think it is because I have a serious passion for traveling and would be on a plane all the time if I had the money to do it. To most people airport traveling is a haggle but for me I feel like every time I go there I’m off on an new adventure. I would spend countless hours on a plane or in an airport if it meant I was able to experience something new. Every since I was young my parents have encouraged me to explore new cultures and countries. I could never repay them for all the memories they gave me but I’m beyond thankful for them. If you ever get the chance to travel overseas I would do it without a doubt. I promise the experiences you will have will be way beyond what you anticipate. 

Anyway driving back to my apartment, I stopped and got a cup of coffee and something to eat. I kind of like driving early in the morning when there is no traffic to deal with. Coming home I thought I might go back to bed but I have been wide awake since 4 am. So now I’m wondering if I should even try to go back to sleep. Maybe I should go to the gym since I’m already up? Hum… I could always take a nap later plus I will get an earlier start to my morning if I stay up! Okay, I guess I’m going to go get ready…off to the gym I go!  

Silver Lining

(Sigh) Isn’t it funny how life plays out? You never know what new twist and turns it will take. Each day is day of it’s own, with a brand new beginnings. Knowing this along makes waking up easier and pushing forward seem effortless. Jobless or not… the way you experience it, is up to you. We can make it into anything we want, positive or negative. The only thing that would hold us back is ourselves. The world can overwhelm us with worry but is that really our purpose… to worry? What is there to worry about when life is so short to live anyway. Who said we get to see tomorrow? For myself I know if I don’t take chances, go for the gusto and live life to the fullest for Him everyday… I will regret it. It doesn’t matter what struggles I go through, it would be all in vain if it wasn’t for Him. He has blessed my life with so much in so many ways, this is the least I can do.

Tonight, after babysitting Mr. Seattle called me. Even though we only talked for a little, I could hear my heart beating. I don’t know what it is that makes me so attracted to him, maybe it is the innocence of everything. But more or less I think it is because he inspires me. I get excited to share my experiences with him and best of all I still have the opportunity to build a friendship. Even though we are far apart now and it might not be the best timing for anything. It is a beginning to something and it although there is a chance it could not go anywhere; I have this gut feeling it would be worth waiting around to find out. But until then I won’t know.

I may not be able to see the silver lining in my life just yet. With jobs, relationships or my future for that matter. However I know it will only get better, I just have to continue to stay focused and be positive. Everything has a time and place, even if it hasn’t turn out the way I thought it would. Just remember we have so much to live for, even if it means facing our struggles. When one door close, another will open.

“Clouds may come, but clouds must go, and they all have a silver lining. For behind each cloud you know, the sun, or moon, is shining.” -Unknown

Eloquent

Last night after not really hearing from Mr. Seattle the past couple days, I was getting a little frustrated. I more of less just wanted him to explain what was happening and not leave me hanging. Tossing and turning in bed I finally just got up and wrote him. Below is what I wrote first and then what he wrote back. I’m pretty sure this is the most eloquent response I have ever gotten back from a guy. I thought I would share it with you.

Hey Mr. Seattle,
I’m laying here in bed and I can’t seem to fall asleep. I guess I’m just wondering if everything is okay. You have seemed a little distant and I’m not really sure why. If I said anything or it is something I did just let me know. I rather you be honest with me. And if it is because you’re not ready to come out here that is fine, there is no pressure there. I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. Hope you have a good night.
-Circle City Girl

—

Dear Circle City Girl,
Please do not worry yourself… there is nothing wrong. I am sorry if I have appeared distant lately, the truth is that I have been keeping myself very busy and have done a poor job at keeping in touch with you. I do not feel pressure to come and visit you (I promise) and I sincerely appreciate that you have been careful to not apply such pressure. The truth is that I would love to see you. However, I am still striving to maintain my role in your life as a friend for this is all I have to offer at the moment. I genuinely mean this with all sincerity when I say that I deeply cherish our friendship and your heart and I am so thankful for you and wish to grow in this. We have spoken of this before and I only intend to reassure you Circle City Girl of how greatly I value you. I know myself and right now I just have to keep things simple while I decipher the past to enable my future. I mean no confusion. We can talk soon… and I will answer any questions that you may have. Please rest for now… Goodnight.
-Mr. Seattle

As I felt a feeling of relief come over me, I finally could put my mind at ease. I was so pleased Mr. Seattle took the time to write me back and I appreciated the sincerity of his letter. I cherish his friendship dearly and I know he would be the kind of guy worth waiting on. It just goes to show, that there are still men out there that respect woman. Holding good moral values, while guarding your heart at the same time. I feel truly blessed and thankful to have been able to experience such a man.

I Cherish You

As of today it has been officially one month since Mr. Seattle and I started talking! I have to laugh at myself, because I’m not even in a “relationship” with the guy yet. However, I’m already put an anniversary on the day we started a friendship, oh well… I like it (p.s. I didn’t share that information with him, it just me being a helpless romantic). In all honesty I’m so happy I wrote him those five words to him on facebook… “Just thought I’d say hey.” Even though we are miles apart, this whole experience has been way beyond what I ever anticipated or expected. Who would have ever thought doing something like that would turn into such a beautiful friendship? Our friendship has truly been a huge blessing to me.

For the longest time I’ve been disappointed by guys in general, finding they only want something when it is convenient for them. But I find Mr. Seattle to be different, he genuinely seems interested in me for who I am and not what I look like. Which is an awesome feeling to have for once! There are so many great qualities and characteristics Mr. Seattle has that I’ve noticed I really enjoyed. It has been a pleasure hearing him share his heart, thoughts and experiences. I never thought I would be able to have this much fun getting to know someone! It just makes me realize how bad I was treated in some of my past relationships. Probably one of the biggest reasons I’ve grown to cherish Mr. Seattle so much this past month. I finally get what it feels like to have a “real” relationship. Whatever comes of all this… call me old fashioned but, I know if I can grow old with someone that loves the Lord, cares for me unconditionally, and wants to share a life together being best friends… I would be the happiest woman alive. Even though it has only been one month, at least I know the feelings I’ve grown to have for Mr. Seattle are real.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Another year…

After being down in Florida for 11 days I’m back in Circle City now. I apologize for my lack of blogging while I was gone. But it was so good to be home with my family and get to spend time with them. I think what I will miss the most is not being able to say, “I love you” face to face. Saying it over the phone to family is one thing but there is something truly special about being able to say it in person. For years it was something I know I took it for granted. But being home this past Christmas holiday I realized that is what I miss the most about not living there. It makes my eyes water just thinking about it. I was sad to leave everyone last night and I know my parents would have rather me just stay. However, I wasn’t saying goodbye… just I’ll see you later. So in reality it will be good to get life back to normal and have a routine again. Eating Christmas cookies is not part of my normal diet.

Other than that my Christmas holiday was wonderful! So on a different topic are you ready for the New Year ?!?! I’m know I am all geared up for 2009 and can’t wait see what it brings. Granted I know this coming year will bring a lot of struggles, but I’m optimistic. I have a feeling God is going to do some amazing things. Christmas Eve my parent’s pastor Orlando read this verse Isaiah 43:2, “ When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” What an incredible verse isn’t it? It is a great reminder that He will never leave us, no matter what we go through in our lives.

There is a saying I live by that I would like to share with you… Sola Fide. Which in Latin means, “by faith alone”. I came across the saying Sola Fide about a two years ago, it was during my senior year of college. Since then, Sola Fide has become something I strive everyday to live by. Whenever I feel like I can’t make it or things aren’t turning out the way I planned, I just remember by faith alone. God is beyond faithful to us, so why can’t we be that for Him? Letting go of the wheel and trusting God with my life has been one of the hardest things for me to do. Believe me it wasn’t easy, there were so many times I just wanted to sit back in the driver’s seat. But it isn’t about what I want for my life, it is about what He has planned for me. This road I’m traveling has had its fair share of trails but the experience has been amazing. Even though I feel I have grown a ton these past two years, I know I still have much to learn. I wouldn’t have been where I am today without God’s steadfast faithfulness.

Looking back on all that I’ve learned in 2008 and thinking about my 2009 New Year’s resolution… I found myself repeating a simple phrase, “Let go and let God”. I feel like God is tugging at my heart more than ever right now, and He is wanting me to let His love be the reason I wake up, live life and even breathe. So you can say it is more or less a lifetime resolution, but I know it will be a rewarding one to live by.

Well, I better go… but I hope you have a wonderful New Year’s tonight and my prayer for you is that you will experience His faithfulness and steadfast love this year.

“For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.” – Psalm 57:10

23 Days

The last 23 days things between Mr. Seattle and I have been awesome! He is so sweet and caring towards me, which I’ve really appreciated. Wanting to do something special for him before I left for Florida… I sent him a Christmas package with cookies, puppy chow and hot chocolate mix. He still won’t stop raving about the cookies which makes me really happy I sent them. I just wanted to send him something fun for Christmas. I thought Christmas snacks would be a good choice, since it was the first thing I’ve ever sent him. Plus I didn’t want to seem too serious and I felt this would make it more casual.

Besides that things have been going really well and two night ago he did asked me one of the cutest things I’ve ever been asked by a guy. Even though we are hundreds of miles apart he was thoughtful enough to ask if I wanted to watch The Holiday with him… loving the movie of course I said yes! So we cued the movie up to the same place and watched it together in a sense. It might sound a little corny but it was actually a lot of fun. While watching the movie we made comments back and forth over gchat. I mean what guy does that? I thought that was so sweet he wanted to actually sit down and do something like that with me.

Needless to say, I’ve been a little smitten with Mr. Seattle and I have really enjoyed the time we have spent getting to know each other. It has been such a nice change of pace for once. I think the next thing on my list to do is to get a web camera. Mr. Seattle has mentioned a couple times that he has done Skype before and how great it is to see the person while you’re talking. And now that gmail has a video chat, it seems like more people are using it. I think tonight I might venture out to the stores to see if I can find one. Having a web camera being so far apart, might make getting to know each other a lot easier. I would love to be able to see him smile, hear him laugh and get to know his expressions on a face to face basis. We both agreed I had to get one so we could try it.

I’m so content right now and I wouldn’t want it any other way at the moment. I’m blessed beyond measure and happy that I’ve been able to share the past 23 days with someone like Mr. Seattle. No matter what this whole experience has been refreshing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.