You Do Something To Me…

Last night as I watch Mr. Facebook’s face light up, you could tell he was in his glory. We went to a Incubus concert downtown in Circle City. It was suppose to rain but we lucked out and It ended up turning out to be a great night. I love watching him get all excited about something he enjoys. It had been a long week for the both of us and it was a nice to take a break and do something fun together.

It has been neat to see our relationship blossom over the summer. Dating him was probably the best decision I have made in a while, I’ve been extremely happy and content with how things are going lately. Even though we both have had stressful situations going on these past two weeks with work, it has been really helpful to have someone to sit and talk things through with. That is what a relationship is suppose to be like, right? This is a great change compared to some other guys I dated.

As I look at the framed photo of us sitting on my coffee table I realize how much I’m starting to care for Mr. Facebook. All this time I’ve been trying to hold back and slow down the process of going to fast. But in reality I’ve been building up some strong feelings for him. I think taking our time has made me like him even more and I have so much respect for not rushing me into anything. I know that I would miss him terribly if something were ever to happen between us. He already has pieces of my heart.

I Miss You – Incubus

“To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can’t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said “I miss you”?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I’m wasting away.
I know I’ll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.”

Just Friends

Photo: Nicole & I with the group at Nicky Blaine’s for Valentine’s Day

Nicole and I have been hanging out a lot more, which has been awesome. Considering it has been a real blessing to talk to another girl about… well… just girl stuff! Plus having great girlfriends like Nicole have made me forget about not really having anyone special over the V-day holiday. I’m happy to know I’m not alone in the way I feel about guys right now, it has helped a lot to hear your thoughts. I’m thankful for everyone’s encouragement to keep going.

Looking on the past holiday weekend… I’m a little confused on what happened. When Mr. Mansion came to hang out at my apartment earlier on Saturday, it went well. We just sat around, ate lunch and talked. Later on that night, when we were out at Nicky Blaine’s he seemed a little distant but I figured it was because his brother was there in the group. However ever since Saturday I have not heard nor talked with Mr. Mansion. So I’m pretty sure that whatever feeling made him grab my hand is long gone. Oh well it was a nice thought but really short lived.

Things with Mr. Pepperdine and I have been up and down over the past couple months but on Monday we talked on skype for the first time together. It has been neat how much I’ve been using skype to communicate with different people. It is like a whole new world to keeping up with people. We hadn’t seen each other in over 6 months, so mainly we just caught up on what has been going on in our lives. It was awesome to be able to talk with him face to face (kind of). Still, I find it interesting after all this time one smile from him makes my heart melt. I don’t know what it is but I know where I stand and I know what roads not to go down again. Which leaves us to where we are now… just being friends.

As far as Mr. Seattle goes, we talked last night on skype for a little. But right off the bat I could tell he was a little a frustrated with just life in general. So the conversation wasn’t the best, but hopefully whatever he is going through it works itself out. It is a bummer we live so far apart, I think it is one of the biggest reasons things have just kind of crumbed. But I’ve been told if he wants to be with you he will move mountains to do so. I can’t worry about it now, besides I think it might not be the best time to start anything anyway.

These past couple months God has taught me a lot about what He wants for me in a relationship. I’ve learned not to settle for anything less and even though it would be nice to have a relationship to work out right now. I understand it probably isn’t His timing for it… I just have to wait, be patient and content until He shows me otherwise. I’m glad God has given me such a heart for His will and a passion for the friendships He has blessed me with. It is hard sometimes to understand the reasons why God lets things happen the way they do but in the end He will bless us for staying on His path.

“My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped.” -Psalm 17:5

Happy Valentine’s Day

Will love find me this Valentine’s Day…? Hum, I wonder. Do I really want it to find me? That is a question I keep playing through my head this morning. I think I do but I don’t want it forced. I want things to happen in His timing and not my own. Tonight, I’m suppose to be meeting up a group of people downtown in Circle City after I get done babysitting. It should be a lot of fun and I don’t feel like I really need to worry about not having a date for it. I’m content with just being me and if something happens it will happen. So for being single on Valentine’s I’m feel pretty happy.

To give you a quick update about Thursday, Mr. Mansion was a no show… because he was still not feeling well. However he kept texting me all night and made it known that he felt really bad. Even though I was bummed I still had blast with Dan and Nicole! I kind of figured he wasn’t going to come anyways but interesting enough he did ask last night what I was up today. So this afternoon he is coming over to hang out… I don’t know what to expect but I’m just going to let it play out and see where it goes. Besides it would be nice to become better friends first.

Well I have to run… Mr. Mansion just called and said he is grabing me some lunch and will be here soon. I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, I will be praying for you.

Relationship Vibes

Relationship vibes… have you every felt them? Have you ever been confused by them? For years guys have been stating girls were the only ones who gave off confusing vibes but the more and more I interact with different guys I’ve realized this is not true by any means. Guys give off just as many confusing relationship vibes as girls do. I actually can’t believe guys can say that they are easy to understand. Because in reality I can not for the life of me figure out what you men want?!?! One minute you are calling me dear, holding my hand, saying I’m amazing… than the next minute you make up excuses, act like you never liked me and you think it is okay to pick up where you left me hanging. Just like the movie “He is just not that into you”…seriously with guys playing these games; how are woman suppose to actually find someone that would like to have a “real relationship”. I’m not trying to be disrespectful towards guys that read this but guys can be such jerks sometimes.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, even though I’m not in a “relationship”, I can honestly say I’m happy about it. Of course I would love to have someone for Vday but for once I don’t have to worry about buying anyone a card, I don’t have to make googly eyes with anyone across a table and I don’t have to spend countless hours getting ready for the big date. Granted I’m not closing myself off from the world but I don’t have time to play games with guys either. If I’m interested in you, you will know plain and simple. If I feel you are not into me… I move on. There is no reason to whine and gravel over a guy that won’t give you the time of day. If you are experiencing such a guy in your life he is not worth your time, don’t mess with him. I promise you can do better! Be content being just you… it is much more rewarding to do so.

Sorry for that little spat… I really don’t know what that was about. But I thought I would give you an update what is happening with the random guys in my life right now…

I found out Mr. Mansion has been sick the past couple days and I felt really bad for him. So tonight I thought I would bring him a get well bag. Filled with soup, tea, a sandwich from Jimmy John’s, crackers and juice. However, before I brought it down to him I was getting weird vibes through text. It was like he wanted me to come but didn’t. Grr… confusing! Maybe I should stop caring so much but my intentions were good. So I ended up bringing over the get well stuff to his house, which in turn he ended up being very thankful for.  I wonder if it was because he was sick.. but I’m a little confused about the vibes he was giving me this pass weekend compared to the new ones I got from him tonight. They were really different and see this is what I’m talking about. What am I suppose to do with that? I guess we will see how Thursday goes if he ends up coming.

Now on the other hand Mr. Seattle finally got skype working on his new computer. This was unexpected but tonight we talked on skype for over an hour! What, where did that come from ?!?! See I think what catches me off guard the most is that it was just like the first time we talked on skype down in Florida. Sigh, I really like Mr. Seattle… but I don’t want to play games. I know he has been nothing but respectful and just trying to maintain being a friend in my life right now; however it just makes things complicated. Because I can’t see him as “just” a friend. It will be interesting to see if we continue to skype more and if anything comes from that. Deep down if I’m being honest with myself, I still want something to.

Well that is all I have for now… I better get some sleep but I will write soon and let you know how tomorrow goes.

Until Then…

Sometimes… there are those moments when you hear something and it just hits you. I had one of those moments when I was watching television tonight. I never thought of relationships this way but I couldn’t agree more. So many of my friends are settling down, others are without a doubt settling and then I realize I’m neither. I’m single, independent, strong and content with where my life is right now. I don’t waste my time with meaningless dates and flying solo on a Sunday night snuggled on the sofa, is the least of my worries. I know Mr. Right may not come today, or tomorrow but until then… I will wait patiently. It will be worth waiting on something like butterflies then to rush into things and live without them.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” – Sarah Jessica Parker

A Childlike Faith

On Sunday’s I teach a first grade Sunday school class, what a blessing those children have been in my life. They really know how to melt my heart. It has been such a neat experience to be a part of their little worlds each week, even if it is only just an hour. I find it funny that although I’m supposed to be teaching them, they really have been teaching me. Reminding me time and time again what it is like to have a childlike faith.

After class I love watching them get picked up by their parents. They get so excited to show them what they made or tell their parents what they did in class. In more ways than one I find myself wanting to have that. Even though I considered myself blessed with what I do have, I still feel like something is missing. By default, I have such a desire to be in love with the “right guy”. Being able not only to share my life with him, but to build a family with him. It is like I can see it happening but I can’t seem to grasp it. Granted every relationship I’ve had up to this point has been better than the last. However, until the day comes when God blesses me to find such a love, I will have to be content. Having a childlike faith, like the first graders in my Sunday school class.

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” -Philippians 4:12